Category Archives: Rebelle Society

The Cartography of Trust

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You are here
Life is unfolding…
… Right before you.

The journey of life isn’t inscribed in the heavens or on any map; it unfolds moment by moment, day by day, and year by year. This can be very exciting, as it means so many opportunities lie ahead. However the unknown factor can also be a cause of anxiety and worry.

Not knowing what might happen from one turn to the next, trying to stand on our highest of tippy toes to see as far ahead as possible, to feel as though we have it all figured out, only to get toppled over and sent down a very different path than originally anticipated.

Many of us have a tendency to want to know what lies ahead. We plan things out and make sure everything is in its right place, but life moves of its own accord, often leaving us in a place of uncertainty, or for some, in full-on freak-out mode.

Standing at point A, many prefer to have a direct path to point B. Sometimes these two points on our map are clear as day; we know where we are and where we want to be, however, we’re still not quite sure of how to get there.

Or on the flip side, sometimes we’re familiar with the terrain that lies ahead on our path, but have no idea where this will actually lead us. In either situation, there’s an element of mystery, and we are faced with uncharted territory.

Personally, I have mixed feelings about the unknown. I like to think of myself as an easygoing kind of gal that loves a good adventure – throwing myself into the abyss and making the very best out of what I’m given. I try.

I try my best, but often there’s a storm before the calm, and I trash around inside kicking and fighting the unknown. Anxiety swells up and I feel lost — horribly lost — and desperately try to consult the omens and signs for clarity.

Anxiety is somewhat of a nemesis for me. However, I’ve come to accept it as being part of myself — a companion on this journey that I once saw as a major weakness, but now has become one of my greatest teachers.

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You see, once I started to really look at why I was experiencing anxiety, I realized that it was all fear-based. But the thing is, most of what I have feared and worried about has never come to fruition.

And if it did, well I’m still here, and I made it through, and maybe, just maybe, I became a bit wiser for it too. I’ve learned that it is possible to have anxiety and not let it paralyze me. I can surrender to the storm, allowing the winds to blow me where they will, trusting that I’ll land on my feet.

I find this surrender come when I remember to quiet my mind and listen to my heart, instead of my thoughts. When I am connected within myself, the anxieties and worries of life seem to have less of an impact on the way I react to events.

Now it’s not perfect, there’s still the trashing and tears (oh god, the tears), but every time I catch myself freaking out, I know I can come back to my heart, listen, take some deep breaths, and connect again with that calm.

Once we open ourselves up to trust, it’s much easier to move forward on the path and follow it with our hearts rather than our minds. The signs and guides pop up like magic before us and we feel supported by the Universe as we draw the map of our lives.

Until we can surrender to the Grace of the unknown, to the potential of the mystery, these beacons can easily elude us in our panic, being overshadowed by our storm. The big lesson in all of this is that the anxiety — the panic and the worry — doesn’t serve us one bit.

It doesn’t make the path ahead of us any clearer. For me, it hasn’t revealed any illuminating insights or clarity, except for the fact that I needn’t feed into it anymore.

So trust in your heart, in both the known and unknown. Embrace every step of the journey from point A all the way to point Z. Even though our fears and worries might not completely vanish, remember that they can serve as teachers instead of foes.

They can show us when we need to be still and tune into our heart, surrendering even more to trust. It will all come to you.

Published on Rebelle Society.

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Solace for the Broken: The Power of Cracks & Holes

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“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen

I am a big believer in the power of cracks and holes, the ‘lost-ness’ and brokenness that transforms us.

I believe that we can exist in those dark moments; cracked apart and fallen to pieces, because that is the doorway through which we begin catching glimpses of our reflected light shining through.

And it is thanks to those cracks that we can slowly wipe the dust from our eyes as we reassemble ourselves.

“Take these broken wings and learn to fly.” ~ Paul McCartney

When feeling lost, drifting in limbo, and downright confused to the very marrow of our bones, embrace it. Let us be lost and honor ourselves as the wounded broken thing that we are in that moment.

There is magic in broken things, for it is in being shattered to pieces that all the potential in the world is held — to be rebuilt into something unexpected. We have the abilities to truly surprise ourselves.

This wide open space can seem terribly scary and vast. Our cracks and holes may at first appear to us as being empty, chasms of lack within. This is not so.

Instead of focusing on this feeling of lack that ‘lost-ness’ brings us up against, we can see this as an opening before us with limitless possibilities, one in which our light from within can shine through to guide us along.

When lost, any direction can be the right way. All paths are now available to you in some form or another. And since this is the case, it is not that you are losing direction, but gaining an opportunity for new choices.

You are not losing yourself, but being gifted with a way to know yourself deeper than ever before.

“Holiness has most often been revealed to me in the exquisite pun of the first syllable, in holes- in not enough help, in brokenness, mess. High holy places, with ethereal sounds and stained glass, can massage my illusion of holiness, but in holes and ‘lost-ness’ I can pick up the light of small ordinary progress, newly made moments flecked like pepper into the slog and the disruptions.” ~ Anne Lamott

So disasssemble yourself. Close your eyes and spin yourself around a few times. Lose direction on purpose. Lose yourself completely, and you can delight in the search to find yourself again. To explore with new eyes the mysterious terrain right in front of you.

Shatter yourself in a thousand little pieces, and reassemble them. We are more beautiful for being broken.

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Published on Rebelle Society.

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The Delicate Art Of Trusting Our Internal Cues

Follow the signs

“There is a universal, intelligent, life force that exists within everyone and everything. It resides within each one of us as a deep wisdom, an inner knowing. We can access this wonderful source of knowledge and wisdom through our intuition, an inner sense that tells us what feels right and true for us at any given moment.” ~ Shakti Gawain

“Please Universe, give me a sign!”… I have heard myself say these words throughout the years.

In moments of uncertainty and confusion, it is easy to look outside ourselves and desperately attempt to catch the ear of divine intervention and beg its guidance.

I have realized, however, that the times I have taken leaps and bounds in my own life are when I have completely trusted myself and gone with my own intuition. When I held my breath and just went for it because it felt inexplicably right. I have known, forgotten, and come to know again, that trusting myself will always lead me to what I need to experience and learn in order to move forward.

What fascinates me is that we are quick to respond to the external signs pointing towards our desires, but when those signs are in opposition of what we desire, we often experience anxiety and worry over things not turning out as we’d envisioned them.

What is important to remember, however, is that the signs that make us feel a bit of fear or discomfort are usually the ones that will bring us to the real place — often unbeknownst to us — that we wanted to get to all along.

We quantify good signs and bad, but do not consider that maybe sometimes, to get to where we want to be, we might have to go backwards or sideways before we can progress forward. Isn’t that what trusting the process is all about? Trusting that each step will bring us exactly where we need to be, and to learn exactly what we need to learn?

I have come to experience that the signs appearing externally from us, originate from within ourselves to begin with. What I mean is that, when we trust our internal cues, even when they are not fully known to us, the external signs are only mirroring what we already know on the inside.

All the knowledge of time and space are found within our cells, everything that we need, we already have. So why is it sometimes so very difficult to trust ourselves, to take that step forward without some external validation? If we trust our inner knowing, this will always have a powerful effect on our external environment. We shape our reality first, by listening to ourselves.

And herein lies the challenge, to become quiet enough to hear that voice within — to trust it and surrender to our own deep knowing. When we allow space and time to reflect inwards, we begin hearing what our intuition is trying to tell us.

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” ~ Ram Dass

So quiet your mind, quiet your heart and listen… Tune into yourself. In this silence, we can hear. Follow that inner voice, gut feeling, intuition… Follow your inner compass.

Originally published on Rebelle Society.

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A Light Beacon for the Dark Days

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Some days we wake up forgetting all about our magnificence.

Some days, it’s like we’re enveloped in a cloud of shit and every step forward gets us further down that slippery slope of self-loathing and destructive thoughts. Those days are hard. It seems like the more you think about it the more you feed into those doubts and the more you bring yourself down. Slip.

This happens. It happens to everyone. I really don’t think anyone can say that they’ve never had a day like this, and well if you can, tell me your secret. Seriously.

These kinds of days can absolutely paralyze me. Everything seems to be happening on the other side of this grey fog and I feel like I’m miles away from everyone else. I’m stuck in darkness while the rest of the world is dancing in light. Slip.

I have discovered however a beacon of light that was in my back pocket all along. A tonic of sorts for the mind, heart and soul, that even in the darkest of days can comfort and sooth me. Bringing my bruised sorry ass self back into the light and beginning to brush away the grey fog that was limiting my view, polluting my perspective.

My beacon of light is this… the fact that we aren’t small, that we aren’t ever alone. That we are made of the same stuff as the moon and stars in the sky, as the incomprehensible entirety of the universe, that’s all us.

“The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that its center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.” ~ Black Elk

Everything is already inside us, everything that we seek. Even the whole universe is within each of us. To me, there’s no more comforting and grounding knowledge than this.

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“Recognize that the very molecules that make up your body, the atoms that construct the molecules, are traceable to the crucibles that were once the centers of high mass stars that exploded their chemically rich guts into the galaxy, enriching pristine gas clouds with the chemistry of life. So that we are all connected to each other biologically, to the earth chemically and to the rest of the universe atomically. That’s kinda cool! That makes me smile and I actually feel quite large at the end of that. It’s not that we are better than the universe; we are part of the universe. We are in the universe and the universe is in us.” ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

I mean how astonishingly amazing is this! When I contemplate the vastness of the universe, yet how we are all still connected to all of it, this greatly humbles me. How can I be so hard on myself with this knowledge? I can’t.

I hope that in your dark days you can reach into your back pocket and hold this knowledge in your heart, in your mind and soul, and be comforted as well. It won’t eliminate these days completely, it hasn’t for me.

However when I remind myself of these simple yet huge facts, I can’t help but be in awe. I can only do my very best to put aside my personal beefs with myself and the trivial day to day ego bull-shit and surrender, at the amplitude of it all, at our shared magnificence.

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Originally posted on Rebelle Society.

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The Unexpected Art of Surrender

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Stale worries and breath like a knot in the throat.

I’ve been trying so hard to let go but to no avail, and then one day, out of the blue, I crumple down, tears streaming from my cheeks and I release.

My breath returns and I’m lighter, lighter.
I find myself, and clarity, through surrender.

As the song “In the Sun/Om Mani Padme Hum” came on in my mix earlier today, this happened, as it happens every now and then. My world stops and I’m suddenly able to surrender. When I try to make sense of how this release happens, and what leads me to finally let my worries go, I’m not able to entirely make sense of it. The word grace however comes to mind.

When I look back at the amount of conscious effort I sometimes spend working on letting go of the uncertainty, the fears that haunt my mind, I realize how shitty I can be towards myself (which I’m guessing many of you can relate to) and in turn, can’t help but smile at the fact that time and time again all that my worries, fears and doubts need is a little bit of time to run their course.

And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God’s love be with you
Always….
May God’s love be with you

There’s a lot of talk about letting go, surrendering, and releasing. That we have to do this, that it’s something we need to do, but how do we really go about doing this?

You can read all the books in the world, talk to all the people you can talk to, and yet for the most part, this letting go and surrendering often remains elusive. I’ve come across a pattern however. It’s a building of sorts in which the ego clings and grasping ensues which leads to uneasiness and the desire for these feelings to be gone. It’s usually at this point I tell myself “I need to let go”. And I try. I try my hardest, but in my heart I’m still attached, I cling.

I’ve come to realize however that if we consciously do the work of bringing our awareness to that surrender, it’s not a matter of trying harder but rather of letting time do its own work. And then one day, we inevitably experience a shift.

So we do the work, we show up every day to the best of our abilities and with every little step we get closer. Until one day it happens, we unexpectedly surrender.

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“The meaning of this mantra is: with ‘OM’ we are calling Avalokiteshvara, ‘MANI’ means the precious jewel of enlightenment, ‘PADME’ means liberation and ‘HUM’ means bestow. Together, the meaning is: ‘O Avalokiteshvara, please bestow the precious jewel of enlightenment to liberate all living beings. Through the recitation of this mantra we train in the compassionate mind of bodhichitta.” ~ Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

May we all experience this surrendering and the freedom in that liberation, Om Manu Padme Hum.

Originally posted on Rebelle Society.

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Perils Of The Living: A Truth Seeker’s Manifesto

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For those of us who continuously look to knock down the barriers of the ego and strive to always put forth our true self, life is a perilous journey. I say embrace it; embrace the light, the dark and the grey in between. Embrace every moment as it comes.

“Chaos is what we’ve lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.” ~ Terence McKenna

I’ve come to know within myself, that the best remedy for the struggles in life is to trust, to smile at the fleeting nature of it all as we try to find peace walking the beautifully precarious path of self-discovery. In every moment, when things are easy, and in every moment when things are hard as all hell, inhabiting that moment and trusting that the next will be exactly how it needs to be.

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Trust in the Process.

“The next message you need is always right where you are.” ~ Ram Dass

For the times we feel lost, when we have come out of touch with our sense of direction, it’s time to stand still. Breath in our now and remember that sometimes the way forward is simply trusting the questions, trusting that all will fall into place.

“Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

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And really, all who wander are not lost. So wander curiously with an open mind and heart, wander with your questions and never forget that in the end, we’re all part of the whole. From the very beginning we were connected, we were never alone. The stumbling and messiness is all part of the process. As perilous as life can be, it’s all that we have and it’s all bringing us back home.

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.” ~ Paulo Coelho

Originally published on Rebelle Society.

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