Monthly Archives: April 2014

Chaos Within

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It’s becoming ironically clearer and clearer to me that feeling confused is a very natural human state, one that we shouldn’t fight against, but completely embrace. Clarity within chaos? Ah beautiful paradoxes.

“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” ~ George Saunder

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Journals out, writing fiercely: the antidote to chasing the shapes of unclear ideas within this head of mine. The creative process gone a little mad. “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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The Cartography of Trust

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You are here
Life is unfolding…
… Right before you.

The journey of life isn’t inscribed in the heavens or on any map; it unfolds moment by moment, day by day, and year by year. This can be very exciting, as it means so many opportunities lie ahead. However the unknown factor can also be a cause of anxiety and worry.

Not knowing what might happen from one turn to the next, trying to stand on our highest of tippy toes to see as far ahead as possible, to feel as though we have it all figured out, only to get toppled over and sent down a very different path than originally anticipated.

Many of us have a tendency to want to know what lies ahead. We plan things out and make sure everything is in its right place, but life moves of its own accord, often leaving us in a place of uncertainty, or for some, in full-on freak-out mode.

Standing at point A, many prefer to have a direct path to point B. Sometimes these two points on our map are clear as day; we know where we are and where we want to be, however, we’re still not quite sure of how to get there.

Or on the flip side, sometimes we’re familiar with the terrain that lies ahead on our path, but have no idea where this will actually lead us. In either situation, there’s an element of mystery, and we are faced with uncharted territory.

Personally, I have mixed feelings about the unknown. I like to think of myself as an easygoing kind of gal that loves a good adventure – throwing myself into the abyss and making the very best out of what I’m given. I try.

I try my best, but often there’s a storm before the calm, and I trash around inside kicking and fighting the unknown. Anxiety swells up and I feel lost — horribly lost — and desperately try to consult the omens and signs for clarity.

Anxiety is somewhat of a nemesis for me. However, I’ve come to accept it as being part of myself — a companion on this journey that I once saw as a major weakness, but now has become one of my greatest teachers.

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You see, once I started to really look at why I was experiencing anxiety, I realized that it was all fear-based. But the thing is, most of what I have feared and worried about has never come to fruition.

And if it did, well I’m still here, and I made it through, and maybe, just maybe, I became a bit wiser for it too. I’ve learned that it is possible to have anxiety and not let it paralyze me. I can surrender to the storm, allowing the winds to blow me where they will, trusting that I’ll land on my feet.

I find this surrender come when I remember to quiet my mind and listen to my heart, instead of my thoughts. When I am connected within myself, the anxieties and worries of life seem to have less of an impact on the way I react to events.

Now it’s not perfect, there’s still the trashing and tears (oh god, the tears), but every time I catch myself freaking out, I know I can come back to my heart, listen, take some deep breaths, and connect again with that calm.

Once we open ourselves up to trust, it’s much easier to move forward on the path and follow it with our hearts rather than our minds. The signs and guides pop up like magic before us and we feel supported by the Universe as we draw the map of our lives.

Until we can surrender to the Grace of the unknown, to the potential of the mystery, these beacons can easily elude us in our panic, being overshadowed by our storm. The big lesson in all of this is that the anxiety — the panic and the worry — doesn’t serve us one bit.

It doesn’t make the path ahead of us any clearer. For me, it hasn’t revealed any illuminating insights or clarity, except for the fact that I needn’t feed into it anymore.

So trust in your heart, in both the known and unknown. Embrace every step of the journey from point A all the way to point Z. Even though our fears and worries might not completely vanish, remember that they can serve as teachers instead of foes.

They can show us when we need to be still and tune into our heart, surrendering even more to trust. It will all come to you.

Published on Rebelle Society.

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